One Liners
by Trilobite
Summary: Sequel to To Quote.... The angels get a hold of a new batch of quotes to comment on.


Gloria: walks back into the room with more quotes I've got more.

Andrew: Ok, let's hear them.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Celeste: …Maybe.

Smile. It confuses people.

Monica: smiles

Andrew: I'm confused!

All: laugh

My mother told me not to talk to strangers. I never talk to myself anymore.

Adam: Do you talk to yourself anymore, Tess?

Tess: Be quiet, Adam.

If you don't like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.

Rafael: That's how Gloria drives.

Gloria: I know.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Andrew: I've done that before.

Monica: To who?

Andrew: …You?

Your village just called, they're missing their idiot.

All: look at Adam and Rafael

Adam and Rafael: What?

Click your heels and say "I need a life, I need a life…"

Gloria: Try it, Andrew.

Andrew: clicks heels I need a life, I need a life…

I'm independent and abusive…stay out of my way.

Monica: That's you, Tess.

Sam: Yes, but she's not independent.

Tess: glares at Sam and Monica

Star light…star bright…where the heck is Mr. Right?

Celeste: Remember? He got lost and looking for directions.

Adam: So true.

If you need space, join NASA baby!

All: laughs

When in doubt, use a stick.

Gloria: So, if I can't figure out which way to hurt Andrew, I use a stick?

Andrew: I don't think that's what they meant.

Gloria: frown

Few women admit their age, fewer men act it.

Monica: So true.

How can I miss you if you don't go away?

Tess: Yeah Sam, how can I miss you?

Sam: glares at Tess

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, sometimes I let him sleep.

Celeste: I should just let Adam sleep. It's more quiet that way.

Adam: Very funny.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Rafael: It's bottle-proof.

Andrew: Okay…

If idiots could fly, then this place would be an airport.

Monica: Don't we know it.

All: glares at Monica

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

Adam: That's when Gloria cooks.

Gloria: Yes, and proud of it.

All: sigh

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Tess: Then that question wouldn't exist.

Rafael: True.

What was the best thing since sliced bread?

Andrew: Sam?

Sam: smiles

He's about as exciting as my wall.

Monica: Andrew…

Andrew: Don't even go there, Monica.

A life! Cool! Where can I get one of those?

Celeste: grins At the life store.

Gloria: Spoken from experience?

Celeste: Yes.

We're not lost…we just don't know where we are.

Adam: I know where I'm at.

Tess: …No you don't.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

Andrew: So that's why I had to close it!

Gloria: You have to have brains before they can fall out.

Andrew: frowns

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Monica: Ouch!

Celeste: Got that right.

It works better if you plug it in.

Rafael: Especially the toaster.

All: stares at Rafael

I'm not as dumb as you look.

Sam: looks at Tess

Tess: I'm not going there!

I'll rise, but I refuse to shine.

Monica: Andrew's motto.

Andrew: Try Adam's.

Adam: Hey!

Last one out of the chat room, please turn off the lights.

Gloria: Is that humanly possible?

Rafael: grins No, but we're not human.

…and your point is?

Tess: So, what is the point?

Sam: I don't have a clue.

Monica: When do you ever a clue?

Sam: Hm…never.

Don't follow me…I don't know where I'm going.

Andrew: Hm…sounds like Celeste.

Celeste: Don't I know it.

Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.

Adam: Hm…

Gloria: Do you think I would be too mean if I said something about Adam?

Adam: Yes!

If a man stands in the middle of a forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Women: Yes!

Men: No!

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

Andrew: Yeah, Monica, he says you have serious mental problems.

Monica: I'm not the only one.

The only driving you've done is driving me crazy.

Celeste: Well, Rafael has.

Rafael: Hey!

Don't judge what your small mind cannot comprehend.

Tess: looks at Sam No comment.

Sam: glares at Tess

I'm not ignoring you, you're just insignificant.

Adam: Sounds like Monica.

Monica: Oh…did you say something?

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what I should feed it.

Gloria: Some more bird seed?

Rafael: …Maybe.

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

Sam: Isn't it supposed to be 5/7th?

All: sigh

Kitten (kit'n) n: Soft, cute, playful with fangs and claws

Monica: That's the truth.

Rafael: We know.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman 'where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Adam: I think I did that once.

Celeste: I'm not surprised.

Tess: Neither am I.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Sam: Yes.

Monica: It's possible.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Rafael: My life.

Celeste: We know.

there can't be a crisis today, my schedule is full.

Adam: I always have a crisis.

Tess: It's usually mental.

Irish I had another drink.

Monica: Not funny.

Andrew: Yes, it is.

Oh Lord, give me patience…NOW!

Gloria: Sounds like Tess.

Sam: It's almost scary.

Tess: glares at Gloria and Sam

A day without sunshine is like…night.

Adam: I really didn't know that.

Celeste: Adam, you don't know a lot of things.

Adam: Don't I know it.

All: sigh

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Andrew: What's with all the logic quotes?

Monica: People must be bored.

Andrew: Obviously.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Gloria: Rafael goes there all the time.

Rafael: At least I get lost in thought.

Gloria: glares at Rafael

42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Andrew: I thought it was 17.346.

Sam: No, it's 34.63210764...

All: exchange glances

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Gloria: But if you honk, it's going to be loud.

Adam: That's the point, Gloria.

How do you know if you are out of invisible ink?

Tess: You don't.

Monica: Exactly.

If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.

Andrew: I always forget something.

Rafael: It helps to have more than half a brain.

Andrew: Look who's talking.

Rafael: frowns

What happens when you get scared half to death twice?

Adam: I don't want to know.

Andrew: Me either.

I don't know how clouds form, but they know how to do it, and that's all that matters.

Monica: Yep.

Celeste: I agree.

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

Gloria: Yet again, that sounds like Tess.

Tess: And for once, I agree.

I'm going to find myself. If you see me before I get back, please let me know where I'll be.

Rafael: I'm confused!

Celeste: smirks You should be.

Saturday has a morning?

Adam: It does?

Andrew: Unfortunately, yes.

If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Gloria: Take a lesson, Sam.

Sam: Be quiet, Gloria.

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to see if it stopped.

Monica: I gotta try that next time Tess lectures.

Andrew: Don't we all.

Tess: glares at Monica and Andrew

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Rafael: The joy of being angels.

All: laughs

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

All: exchange glances

A black cat crossing your path signifies the animal is going somewhere.

Celeste: Duh!

Gloria: More logic.

All: laughs

Gloria: That's all for now.

All: walk off laughing 


End file.
